Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
