i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize