I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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