I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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