Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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