you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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