Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
