I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
