Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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