she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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