I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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