I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So squirting runs in the family.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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