I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
