Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
