Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he was CRYING into my vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
