I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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