just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
