But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
