Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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