id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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