The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
