Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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