last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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