jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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