i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
