Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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