Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize