Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
