I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize