Don't you send me to vm
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
