i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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