There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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