Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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