I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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