Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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