Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
