A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
