Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
