oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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