did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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