I will die if light touches me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
