I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are we still banned from the library?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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