you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
