Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just pee around me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
