It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
