Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
