whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Enjoy the penises
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
