I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
