i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize