i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
