Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
