i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT