there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Less talking, more tequila
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.