so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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