Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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