I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.