When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.