the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.