So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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