Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
