is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
