Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
no you cant smoke seaweed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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