final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
