He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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