just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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