How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
