so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
