dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
