apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
