the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
