I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
