it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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