Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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