Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
