That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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