I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
