so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
