Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
