When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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