I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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