Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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