No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
